As Much As You Want

Here’s a mathematical puzzle.  When does infinity approach zero?  The answer?  It’s when infinity stands for unlimited vacation time, which is what some companies are now offering, according to a recent Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article by Steve Twedt.  Perhaps that’s a cynical view of a generous benefit, but I suspect it’s the invention of someone like the evil HR director, Catbert, from the Dilbert comic strip. 

First of all, there must be a catch, right?  There’s always a catch when HR unveils a new and improved “benefit.”  The article explains that you can take an unlimited amount of vacation, but only if you get all of your work done.  I spent 35 years working for various organizations, and I can honestly say that I never felt that all my work was done.  At best, my various projects were in a position where I felt I could put them on pause for a week or so without too much guilt or negative repercussions from my boss or clients. 

Then something stirred in my memory.  After working for a corporation that allowed me two weeks of vacation each year, I decided to take a job at a law firm.

“How much vacation can I take here?” I asked one of the partners.

“Take as much as you want,” he replied.  “Of course, we expect you to bill 2,000 hours a year, so you have to factor that into your vacation planning.  Plus, you need to be sure you’re not leaving any clients in the lurch while you’re away from the office.”

I did some quick math.  If I were able to bill 40 hours a week, which likely meant working 50 – 60 hours a week, it would take me at least 50 weeks to bill 2,000 hours. In other words, if I really worked hard, maybe I could take two weeks of vacation, though probably not all at once.  In fact, I found I was actually able to take very little vacation while working at the law firm, and after a few years, I went to work for a company that had a conventional vacation policy. 

Why else am I skeptical of this new benefit?  According to the article, employers believe that a policy of unlimited vacation time will improve worker productivity.  Now that might sound logical if you’re thinking that well rested and happy employees are more productive.  But is it possible that company executives believe that productivity will improve because employees would actually take less vacation or none at all?  I can imagine the following conversation around the water cooler:

“Hey Fernbaum, I haven’t seen you around. Where have you been?”

“I just got back from three days of vacation.”

“Three days!  How can you afford to be gone that long?  How did you get all your work done?”

“I didn’t, but I thought I could put everything on hold for a few days.  My wife took the kids to the shore, and I wanted to spend a couple days with them, even if it meant the boss would think I’m a slacker.”

“Well I guess with your laptop and cell phone you still were pretty connected.”

“Actually, I decided to unplug for those three days to spend some quality time with my family.”

“Really? Well, good luck with that.  You’re the first person in our department to do something that crazy.  In fact, you’re the only one I know of who took vacation time this year.  You’re not expecting a promotion any time soon, are you?”

“I thought we had unlimited vacation here.”

“Uh, yeah.  That’s the official word from HR.  You just better hope your clients have unlimited patience while you’re goofing off on a beach somewhere.” 

So maybe I’m a hopeless cynic and the company actually has the best interests of its employees in mind when offering unlimited vacation time.  But my advice is that when someone in HR suggests you give up your measly three weeks for unlimited vacation, you should tell them you wouldn’t be able to handle that much of a good thing.  Then run the other way as fast as you can.